Recovering Meat Eater: My Food Programming Timeline#2

A Copy of 

 My Food Programming

START

– I was born to this world without an assurance that i will get the basic necessities i need to survive
– I fear surviving in this world of competition and self-interest
– I cried and when my mom heard me cry, she came and fed me mother’s milk
– My family fed me anything that was available for me to survive and i ate it
– I saw them cooking and eating food so i tasted it and liked the taste of it so i ate what was served on the table
– I liked meat when i was young specifically ‘humba’ ( pigs knuckles in a Philippine ‘humba’ sauce, a dish my mother cooked for me) so i ate more of it and other foods that was given to me
– forgot my fears, i entertained myself with food
– I heard a story where my grandmother was telling me that when i was young, she was so angry to see a cockroach very near me while she was watching me as I was sick and dying in the hospital. She said that, that happened when she was ‘ praying to God to save my life and at the same time imploring him to take my life and not let me suffer if it was not meant for me to survive’. ‘I was scared to know that i was at one time in the past dying’
– When i was about 7 -8 yrs old, i felt weak, as i was lying down on bed in the house of my grandmother, having a flu hating the ‘bad taste’ of the medicine she gave me
– When i was in high school i was having heart pains – and was told by a doctor that i have ‘angina’, a mild form of heart disease which the ‘specialist’ dismissed as ‘nothing’ after he tested my heart. He advised me to just play outdoors’ – yet in my mind i had this fear of getting sick and fear of death which i kept to myself suspecting that there’s something going on in my body which i am not aware of nor they are aware of.
– I did yoga and meditation (fear of getting sick)
– I heard and read that the ‘sentient vegetarian diet’ (a vegetarian diet without onions, garlic, mushroom and eggs) was a healthy diet
– I was invited to a sentient vegetarian dinner where they were talking about health
– I had the idea that this can stop my heart pains and will stop me from getting sick
– I adopted a ‘sentient’ cooked vegetarian diet – believing that food like mushroom, garlic, onion, meat, fish etc. has ‘negative energy’ in them’ and that generally vegetables, fruits, nuts, milk, butter have positive energy in them (as the guru said so )
– I learned how to cook a ‘tasty’ vegetarian diet
– I believed that the vegetarian diet is ‘better than’ a carnivorous diet – believing it is a ‘healthy diet’
– I practiced the ‘sentient vegetarian diet’ for 29 years and believed the sentient vegetarian diet is healthy and that it is the diet of spiritual people or highly evolved people
– I attended a vegan get-together and saw a film where the doctor took solidified fat inside a man’s artery
– I had a fear going to the hospital – fear of being operated on, fear of pain, fear of sickness, fear of death
– I did not like the diet – as it tasted bland
– Disregarded my fear of eating bland food because i know i can make the food taste good
– I adopted a vegan diet (fear of getting sick/ fear of death)
– I exercised more in the gym to be fit and sexy
– I started eating organic produce
– I felt good and looked good
– I ate in a restaurant and tasted raw’ tasty’ food
– I researched about raw food
– I read that raw food can heal people’s illnesses
– I took knowledge and information that i have heard and seen from the media as my truth
– I learned how to make raw foods (fear of getting sick)
– I adopted a raw food diet
– It tasted good
– I ‘felt good and looked good’ after eating 100% raw food
– I equated eating 100% raw food to ‘being the best diet in the planet’
– Some of my raw food friends started juice feasting
– I had a very tiny lump the size of a small bead in my right breast that is growing bigger
-I got scared
– I decided to juice feast believing it will get smaller
– I felt very light
– I saw a man in a youtube video surviving just eating fruits
– My dad had an illness so i visited him one day
– I was surprised to know that he was just eating fruits, he looked 10 years younger his age and he’s healed from his illness
– I believed that the fruitarian diet healed my father
– I believed that he looked good because he just ate vegetables
– Decided to eat only fruits (Fear of looking bad/not looking good)
– I felt light, I looked younger
– I fear that i feel too light that i will not be grounded
– I started eating raw food again
– I saw the lump getting bigger
– I felt an itchy nagging feeling inside my body
– I was diagnosed with breast cancer
– I drank herbs from the Chinese doctor once a day and juiced fruits and herbs throughout the day
– I tried juice feasting again so i will feel light and can deal with the itchy nagging feeling
– I was operated on
– The nagging feeling disappeared
– I decided to eat raw foods again
– I saw a man in a youtube video teaching personal fitness and running very fast who claimed he was a breatharian
– I wanted to know if the body still has energy even when it’s not getting food
– I researched about inedia and breatharianism
– I found out Lao Tzu who i traced as the proponent of ‘Taoism’ – is the proponent of Inedia
– I found out that he just disappeared from where he was staying riding an animal
– I connected his diappearance to ‘immortality’
– i got interested in ‘inedia’ (Fear of not being immortal/Fear of sickness & death)
– Where i work, they started a weight loss contest
– I signed up
– I also want to lose weight (Fear of gaining weight)
– My plan is to not eat so i will be ahead in the competition
– I decided to test not eating nor drinking for 3 1/2 days
– I started fasting without water nor food once a week and then twice a week,
– I fasted 2 1/2 days a week and then 3 1/2 consecutive days not eating nor drinking
– I found out my body only wants to sleep for 2 hrs and has all the energy throughout the day to do what needs to be done
– I found out i can run faster when i was not eating – also feeling so light – than when i was eating
– I was mesmerized by these new found ‘feats’
– I considered myself ‘special’ believing that the majority of people eats food and i didn’t – believing they were ‘normal and i was special’
– I found out my body is beginning to adopt to not eating on the third day of the ‘no water no food fast’
– I fear sickness and death – so it came up and i saw myself fearing not being able to eat for a long period of time
– I heard someone saying that breatharianism is a ‘mind energetic bullshit’
– I fear continuing my fast (fear of getting sick/death)
– I stopped
=====

Recovering Meat Eater
– I started eating meat again
– I do not know what to eat
– I fear eating meat again
– I ate again all kinds of food
– I fear eating pork
– I fear eating beef
– I fear eating fish
– I fear putting on weight
– I fear looking ugly when i put on weight and fear feeling bad eating meat again
– I fear that eating meat will expose me to cancer again (fear of getting sick/death)
– I started to enjoy eating meat dishes that i used to eat
– I started to like the taste of certain meat dishes
– I wondered if this is the mind liking the dishes
– I started desiring to regain how i looked when i was eating raw food
– I started to wonder what is the right way of eating
– I am worried i cannot socialize and laugh with my vegetarian friends anymore
– I fear being ostracized from the group
– I told myself ‘ if this is okay, then i will just eat whatever i like and enjoy myself’
– I started feeling sorry for vegetarians
– I fear being alone without friends
– I started gaining weight
– I started to blame my ‘eating meat’ again
– I started to feel i am better off with eating a vegetarian diet
– I fear that i am eating from the starting point of desire
– I feel lost
– I looked at the Blood Type diet
– According to the chart, chicken is not for my blood type
– I lessened my chicken in-take
– I decided to eat turkey instead
– I had the idea that the body prefers only a little portion – as it reacts when i eat a lot of this
– I looked at the Ketogenic diet but wondered if the one who invented this diet knows what he is talking about
– I looked at the Paleo diet but wondered if they really know what they are talking about
– I looked at the DNA diet but wondered if they really know what they are talking about
– I fear this change in my diet because i do not know what to do
– I listened to the ‘animal interviews’ in eqafe tallking about how certain animals eat within standing equal to the food, the body and other stuff that makes me wonder about me and my relationship to food and the body

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