It was in 2008 after my breast cancer operation – when i started to investigate “not eating”.
I have investigated almost all diets in this world trying to control my desire for food. I ate meat for about 17 years – as my mother and my grandmother prepared my food during my childhood and my teenage years. When i was in high school, I felt pain inside my chest from time time – so when i went to college, in the city i tried a cooked vegetarian diet – ‘ believing that meat made me sick and believing that this is a ‘better’ diet. This was me deciding from the starting point of – fear of getting sick.
I was doing reasearch on the process of self-perfection at that time, so i surfed the internet quite a bit. I saw a lot of research about the ‘best diet’.
I attended a vegetarian lunch and saw that it was possible to eat only vegetables. I heard and read that vegetarianism was better than a carnivorous/meat diet- so i adopted a cooked vegetarian diet. What i noticed in this diet, is that – i started having aversion for meat or the carnivorous diet because i heard and read information that it can cause illness. I believed that. I manifested that belief. I got a fever when i accidentally eat meat even just tiny amounts of it. I did not see/realize and understand that i can manifest my beliefs.
I interpreted the positive, neutral and negative experiences i experienced in my life as real. I believed that when i felt good about a certain diet – that diet is good and when i felt bad about a certain diet – that diet is bad. I believed that what i considered normal was ‘not good enough’ – judging myself because of a belief that normal is not as good as being ‘special’ – where i made being normal less than being ‘special’. I did not realize that who i am – is not defined by positive or negative experiences – based on movement, friction and balance.
I am here as breath in every moment – I am stable and self-directive.
I believed that when i was testing a particular diet or lifestyle – if it made me feel good and look good, it was the best diet. I did not see/realize and understand that I was enslaved by my desire to be the ‘best’.
I existed in fear of that which will make me live a ‘normal’ existence – as the ‘normal me’ or ‘not the best’ me. I projected my definition of myself – which is fear of sickness/illness – in searching for the ‘best diet or lifestyle’ that will make me the ‘best person’. I believed that i am what i eat or not eat- not realizing that i am that which is equal to all that exist – as all are made of the same substance all are made of.
I did not see/realize and understand that the origin of the desire to live a certain way or to eat or not eat a certain way is – fear of not being the ‘best‘ . It was fear of not ‘feeling good and looking good’.
When i lived in Melbourne, Australia, i attended a cooked vegan group party. In that party, a film was show where a doctor is pulling a solidified fat inside the arteries of a man. The fat resembled solidified butter. I had a fear of going to the hospital – so that scared me. I can feel my eyes dilate as i watch the film. I also believed at that time that it was not good to drink milk because the manufacturers put a blue dye to the milk to make it white – and believed that milk can be mucus – forming so I investigated a cooked vegan diet – from that starting point – which is not a true starting point.
When i came to America, i ate at a raw vegan restaurant. I ordered a raw brownie a la mode – which was really good. After that experience i researched in the internet and learned how to prepare raw food. I did not have a dehydrator then, so i dried food under the sun. I then proceeded to make some vegetarian dishes which i liked and that was how i started and explored the raw vegan diet.
When my rawfood friends started juice feasting and one friend started talking about the benefits of juice feasting – i decided to just drink juice and smoothies daily. I felt light .
One day i saw a video about a man who lived by just looking at the sun. In that interview, he said that this experiment is being done by him with the assistance of doctors in India who constantly monitors his ‘progress’. This to me looked authentic – believing that doctors know best about the body and how it works – not realizing that doctors are enslaved by the system and that most of what they do is motivated by profit.
When i saw a man living simply by just eating fruits i decided to try it. I went to the Philippine to have a vacation one day and my dad told me – he tried eating fruits for a certain length of time and his cancer disappeared. He also looked 10 years younger. I was amazed to see him very healthy. So, i copied what he did. I only ate fruits. This decision was motivated by the desire to look young – originating from fear of looking old – using food to feel good and look good . I only ate Fruits so that made me feel light. When i look at the mirror i saw me looking very young – it reminded me of my looks when i was 18 yrs old. That felt good , because i connected being young to looking good. I just felt too light in that diet. There was fear that i will get dizzy if i stay on that diet for a long time.
So, one day, while surfing the internet, i came across a breatharian, who looked good – juice feasting and sungazing (for sun food) -with a slim body and shiny skin. That was what i defined as a healthy look. I researched further and saw a female breatharian who also looked good. She was slim. Then i saw another breatharian male who is a fitness professional – who can run very fast and can do a bench press very easily. He looked slim and his skin was shiny. He looked strong with firm muscles in his body. He speaks well. So, i said ‘ man, he is the best’.
I was satisfied with the rawfood diet at that time. I believed that if the rawfood diet is the ‘best’ and this guy is saying breatharianism is the ‘best’ – then either rawfood is the ‘best’ or it is not the ‘best’ – i reasoned that if i can exist without eating and be healthy, strong and look good – that is the ‘best’ place i can be – not realizing i am everywhere. I am here in every moment as breath. Here is everywhere.
I wanted to start ‘not eating’ because that will also save me a lot of money. At that time, i lost my job after i got separated from my ex-husband. I know it will be difficult but i was willing to try.
While i was deciding to get into this new lifestyle, i found a job. Where i was working, they started a weight loss contest. I started doing one day a week, then 2 days a week, then 3 days a week until i tried to do it for 3 and 1/2 days. I decided to try this lifestyle – see if it will make me lose and win the contest. I did not admit at that time that i was doing it to compete – but i realized it was my starting point. The first day was very difficult because i did not take food nor water and still work. It felt like i was dying and i was watching me die. The second day was a ‘bit better’. It was surprising that the body seems to adjust to whatever i was doing. The third day was easy and the body started to adjust to this new lifestyle. I ran faster than i normally ran. But I started having fear of not being able to adjust to society, and i saw my body can either be eating or not eating. It cannot be doing both. I also realized that this can be possible when i stop my mind -in a world that truly honors life – not in this current monetary system – also realizing that the mind feeds off the body’s energy and so the body has to be assisted to get nutrition and stop my mind – so i stopped.
I saw it ‘necessary’ to look into “not eating”, breatharianism or inedia – defining myself within the polarity of ‘best’ and ‘worst’ – ‘normal’ and ‘special’, feeling good or not feeling good, looking good or not looking good – coming from a starting point of – fear of not being the best.
I am using self-forgiveness for beliefs about food – like belief that i will ascend to higher dimensions when i go into a ‘special’ diet- which i believed ‘breatharianism’ or ‘not eating’ will be able to do for me – a belief that is not real – as i created it in my mind. This also indicated i do not like where i am. I realized this is not the true starting point.
I am here
‘Everywhere is Here, I am Here, thus – I am everywhere as Here’ – Desteni Material Research
I saw the mind trying to understand food from the point of separation – me separate from food/plants, the body and this physical universe.
Here’s a video i did on this:
Me as the Breatharian Personality:
Me as the BREATHARIAN Personality