Today is our first full day in Los Angeles. We arrived last night. So, we did not have time to visit my family members. Today, my sister called, inviting us to her place Incidentally, my dad was also at her place. This is the first time my dad will see LP. When i was going to introduce LP to my dad, i was relaxed but there’s a change in my breathing when we went to my sister’s place – to meet him. I greeted him and then introduced LP. The first question he asked was, what is his relation to you? I stopped for a moment and my answer was, “he’s my boy friend”. There was silence from his side, a hesitation. Then LP shook his hand.
I would like to direct the point – where i changed my breathing when we were about to go and meet him. This is fear – fear of LP not being accepted. I will use self-forgiveness and self-correction here.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear LP not being accepted by my dad – and express this fear by changing my breathing pattern.
When and as i see myself participating in fear that LP will not be accepted by my dad and expressing this by changing my breathing – i stop – i breathe. i realize that this gives me as feeling of the fear being real and me being less than who i am and my dad as being more than who i am – as he is my father – as someone who has authority to accept or not accept people i accept in my life – not realizing that real relationships are thos formed with/as people standing for what is best for all life. I stop participating because this is not what is best for me and not what is best for all – because i am supporting personality systems in this world based on fear, expression of fear through altering or changing breathing patterns and judgments.