It was in 1978 when i saw a book about meditation. It talked about the conscious, subconscious and unconscious mind. While i was reading it i said to myself, ” This is so deep, so this must be the real truth about what life is “. I held this belief for 29 years. I became a member of this group called Ananda Marga for that long. I did meditation and yoga and attended group meditations, vegetarian smorgasbord, medical camps, lectures, national and international events. I did not see that what i did was – took someone else’s truth (the guru’s truth) and accepted it as my truth without really testing it in all ways. I did not really know what he said about the mind is true. I did not fully investigate that.
From the moment i read that book i was being directed by that belief. The meditation i did for 29 years and the bliss that i had was just a manifestation of that belief. I as who i really am is not here. The ego-personality is here – defined by that belief.
How many of us are walking our lives manifesting our beliefs?
The starting point of me wanting to do meditation – is not a true starting point. Wanting to self-realize is me, as the ego-personality judging me as less than myself and me wanting to reach a point that is more than myself. This is me separating myself from – who i am as all as one as equal as life. After i left the organization, I started doing self-forgiveness for perceiving myself separate from all – which includes my beliefs, judgments etc. and am correcting myself in my application as i walk through life. I simply live as who i am as all. I am here.