The question who am i? is of the mind?
I was always watching people and the way life is. I am also watching me as the breath within/as this body.I can sense that there’s some missing data – but i “don’t know what exactly”.
I reckoned “there must be someone out there somewhere” who can explain why i am in this life – why my parents are my parents – why i was born in the Philippines and not in Africa for example.
So one day, in a state of confusion, I looked at myself, and asked, “who am i”?
At first, i attempted to answer this question by going to different groups – to different religions – to investigate.
Because i did not know who to ask and what to do -i figured “someone has to save me” because at this point “i can’t save myself- because how can i, when i don’t even know who i am?”
So i went to a church with my grandmother and asked the priest – they clearly did not know – because they always looked at the book for answers – but somehow they said their god can save me (or so i “thought”, lol!). When i believed someone is going to save me – and accepted the ‘idea’ as true – i believed i will be saved.
I told myself i can relax. So, I did, until- I looked at myself and noticed that i lie – that after i lie i ask that savior for forgiveness, then i lie again. This created stress within me .
‘Why? I know i am a deceiver! so i said to myself, Fuck! how can i cover this up?’
I was also embarassed that this savior is bearing my cross for me – i saw it as a form of savior slavery. It was, if you really look at it closely. He’s like a “fall guy”. But what is interesting is as i enslave this savior by not taking self-responsibility for my self-dishonesties – i call him my god, lol! A god slave savior. I also go to church everyday to ask him to help me find some money, a relationship etc. This is one kind of a relationship- a savior – slave – slave relationship, lol! Not only was i confused, i also “hated” myself for that. I just did not tell anyone because everyone seems to not care.
I then looked at how i can “control” my mind so i will not lie. It’s giving me stress to think that i, as the personality, lies. I know i am not that personality/ego that lies. “I am just making a fool of who i really am” – that is stressful.
So, when i was in first year college, i attended this catholic school for girls where a man from a meditation group came in to give a meditation lecture. I attended the meditation lecture where the guy said that there is a word – a mantra – that i can say in my mind – that will erase all my “unwanted thoughts” – so i did the process. The only problem is – i can’t be excited when i want to – because the mantra is suppressing my feelings and emotions. I as the personality exist as energy – so i have to have the ups and the downs- that’s defines me, and my “happiness”, lol!
I then went to study a meditation technique that will allow me to participate in the mind more – so i found a technique that will allow me to be who i am as the personality/ego – a meditation technique that makes me think that- i am one with the “divine” as that personality – and at the same time “think” that i am separate from him, the guru – so i have to do all practices he tells us to do so we can be liberated from the personality/ ego self- that we accepted and allowed anyway – isn’t that hilarious? lol – one deception after another.
The funny thing is i did not know i was doing a process that will get me into the mind. I “thought” i was truly becoming one with that supreme entity, lol – this is “supreme deception”. I did not realize that if i am one and equal as all life – which the teacher also agree – a supreme entity cannot exist.
I found out from another group that i can “evolve to a point” where “i can be enlightened”. I did what they said and “thought” i was “enlightened”.I was just having a delusion that i am enlightened- don’t take me seriously here! When i saw myself a little less than being “enlightened” – which was a delusion of course.
One day after being in delusion for about 28 years, affter my meditation – where i imagined as if i am one one of the atoms in the universe and i pulsated with everything in creation – a deception i made real by believing it is so then i manifested that belief – this tells us we can fuck with ourselves and not know it, lol!
I did not realize that i am one and equal as life itself and nothing could be “more special” than that. What was funny was that i was unaware that i am unaware!
That is when i got in touch with a guy who i call the beast – this guy busted everything i believed – he pointed out the truth that i am delusional when i participate in the mind. I believed all that i believed, then manifested it as if it was real.
I realized i was just deceving myself and that i am in a delusion – it was not real! That was a wake-up call. I woke up from my own delusion.
I realized the mind is asking the question, who am i? – only because i as the Personality/Ego /character is making sense of itself. What i did not see is that i am here existing in this physical reality. I am the breath within this body, equal and one as all that exist – I as Self as LIFE. I, as the personality/ego self – defined me as limited – as i defined me as my thoughts, emotions, feelings, beliefs, judgments, opinions, justifications etc.
So, i am blogging to expose how i, as the personality/ego/character– participate in the mind – as thoughts, feelings and emotions – and show you how i stop myself from participating using the tool – self-forgiveness. I will also blog about how i am birthing me here by simply living as who i am as all as one as equal to/as all that exist – using the self living principles – for REAL.
From the personality as EGO SELF birthing me here as – Self as LIFE.
I am the breath here in every moment – one and equal as all that exist.
I am here
I exist within/as the body – as the breath – and it needs sustenance to survive. all of us needs to survive. To do this we need money to get all the basic necessities we need to survive. This current monetary systmen and my experience within it – which is based in inequality – as the personality/ego self – supports this inequality- through my acceptances and allowances. I denounce this because this is not what is best for all. I am not supporting this, so i will stop my participation.
If you have any question at all about my process:
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