L and i invited his Dad, D, to come so we can assist him do a video to upload in his youtube channel. He came with L’s sister, J. While we were filming, L’s uncle called that he will come and pick up his laptop. So, when he came. I said hi. He said “hi” to but i can sense the unwillingness for us to see eye to eye because of what happened the day before, which was about the self-dishonesty -Refer to the link at the top of this blog to get perspective on this point .
He knew we will go to a restaurant after filming. He indicated he also wanted to come, so he did. There was 5 of us, L, Me, L’s dad,D, L’s uncle, C and L’s sister J.
When we were in the restaurant, L’s uncle, C, told L and J and D that he will pay their bill. In other words, he indicated he will not pay for me. I feel a little bit uneasy. I looked at what is going on. I saw that within this is perceived separation and aversion to someone who ponted out ones self-dishonesty – myself. I then directed myself to order something for all of us – chips and a guacamole dip – and then i invited everyone and said that everyone can have some because this is for everyone. Everyone ate some but he didn’t. He then said he will leave and that the bill (of L, and J) has already been paid.
After he left, L’s dad, D, asked me what’s going on? I then told him what happened.
I can see that the point of having aversion and ill-feeling towards someone who points out ones self-dishonesty is a shared point. I experienced this in the past. I also saw that perceiving others separate from me as a shared point.In fact all of his points i share with him/as him as all – i participated in all those points in the ‘past’.
Points i see within this:
* Aversion to someone pointing out ones self-dishonesty
*Perceivng others as separate from me
*Identification as the ego
*Using food to please others
*Using money to manipulate others
I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to have aversion to someone pointing out my self-dishonesty
I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to perceive others as separate from me.
I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to I dentify as the ego
I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to use food to please others
I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to use money to manipulate others.
When and as i see myself going into a pattern of manipulation – i stop – i breath. — 21 days to self-freedom
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