What will you do when you are face to face with death?
I was diagnosed with 4th stage breast cancer in 2008. That was unexpected as i was vegetarian for 29 years. I felt okay in general because I did not take drugs in the years before this.
One day while i was in the shower i felt a small lump in my breast. I told myself that it will disappear soon but days and weeks and months pass – i saw it grew 10 fold. I was suddenly facing what i feared the most – death. Did i manifest my own fear of death? Most likely. I was always wanting to be healthy, perceiving health as a way to not get sick. I became vegetarian, then vegan, then raw vegan and after i healed myself from cancer, i tested breatharianism by not eating for 3 1/2 days. I did not see the mind polarity i was participating in – fear/aversion to be sick and desire to be healthy. I did not see that aversion completes desire and that one cannot exist without the other. I did not see that i am competing with others when i judge others as beautiful or not beautiful. I did not see that the cells can also compete and multiply themselves as cancer cells.
I first went to the acupuncturist, drank some herbs (they were bitter) that was prescribed for a week. Then, tried radionics. My friend bought this machine in the US and was doing diagnosis in Australia. He looked for the homeopathic remedy for me using one strand of hair he asked me to get from my head – which i sent to Australia. I also drank some mushroom capsules and did a liquid fast.What i noticed was that the breast was going bigger and bigger everyday. I researched different therapies. There were many remedies prescribed but there were no guaranteed results – not even from my oncologist. So i used commonsense and self-honesty.
I changed my diet to a lighter diet because there was this itchy but not itchy “feel” in my body where i can sense the production of cells is increasing rapidly and i can ‘feel’ it in the physical level. I never had that ‘feel’ before. I know consuming heavy food will make me unable to deal with what i was experiencing at that point.I was not drinking any medication. I was advised to have chemotherapy first, to shrink the tumor and then have surgery because operating on the tumor will mean some tissues might be left and start cancerous tissues again. My oncologist gave me stories of how i could be brought to the hospice to die and not be visited by any of my relatives because the wound will be rotting. Contrary to what he said, i saw that it is not commonsensical to have chemotherapy and radiation before operating on the tumor that already grew to as big as a grapefruit. So i refused - he did not like to hear my decision.
When i was at the operating room, i saw my surgeon and asked him to remove all tissues in my breast and told him i do not care how i look – that i only care about the removal of all the cancer tissues. He was hesitant because he’d rather that i go for chemotherapy. He said that he had to do a skin graft from my left thigh to my breast. He told me there’s available plastic surgery which can be performed to make my breast look normal- which was covered in my insurance, but i declined. I refused the chemotherapy and opted for surgery with the skin graft.
What was cool to see was that i was the same before and after surgery. My body changed, but i didn’t.
The surgeon bandaged my thigh and that made it difficult to move. Recovery was a little bit difficult because of the skin graft on one thigh so i had to use a cane to walk to balance myself. Initially there was a nurse who dressed the wound but after 2 visits, i dressed the wound myself. A year after the surgery i got a blood test. It was normal.
For the fear of death and fear of losing what i had as a ego-personality, (a body that is not disfigured), - as i held on to my beliefs about beauty and ugliness, i chose to do self-forgiveness and self correction.This process assisted me in discovering how i programmed myself to be defined by beliefs, judgments etc.regarding beauty and body image. I strongly recommend this process to all that visits this page, with or without cancer.
I am right now – stopping – changing – birthing me here as – Self as LIFE – and assisting in creating heaven on earth.
What is SELF-forgiveness?