juneroca

Nature

L’s brother called him one weekend. He wants to see him so L asked him to come over. We were scheduled to go out and see some clients in our business that day from 8AM to 2 PM. His brother came over and asked L to help him by giving him a lift to get a car. At first, L said no, but his brother said that after he get a car, he will help him in selling our product, so L said yes .

They went out, and at about 10AM, i noticed they were not back yet, so i sent him a message in his cell phone reminding him of our ‘plans’ for the day – business calls from 8AM to 2PM. I asked where he was and he said he gave a lift to his brother’s girlfriend to work which was about 30 minutes drive - L helped her move in the night before -  and that he will help his brother get a car after that. I asked him about our plans. He said he fucked up by saying yes to his brother, so he will take self-responsibility for that. I saw the possibility of us not being able to do what we set out to do for the day, so I asked him to come home and pick me up. He did, So, i decided to go with them in getting a car for his bother. I was ‘pissed off’ by the change of ‘plans’ but  I saw mind participation within that, so i did self-forgiveness.

I put together the boxes needed for the business calls at the back of the car so i will do what has to be done before we go for business calls. It was about 12 noon when i noticed that his brother had not picked a car yet, so i told him we have to hurry so we can still do some business calls from 1-2PM that day.

His brother did not help us sell the products, as he promised, but ‘at least’ we were able to do an hour of business.

Before his brother left the car he said, ‘ you are helping her don’t you’? I noticed that involved me, so, I interrupted and explained – i said that i pay half the expenses in the agreement. I pay half the rent, bills etc.I said that i had relationships before where i was not required to pay anything but i would rather take self-responsibility this time within this equality agreement by paying half of all expenses. He kept quiet and said ‘sorry for ruining out schedule’. I kept quiet.

This is when i realized that to be able to assist L in our agreement, i have to be self-directve not only within my process but within the different areas of both our lives . That said, i realized i could not have directed this ‘help point’ if i myself was dependent to L for ‘help’ . I realized to self-direct others as me i have to be self-directive on that same point.

According to L, in March this year. his brother said he needed help, So L decided to get a $1,000  dollar loan to help him get 2 cars so he can resell those cars for a higher price. His brother said , he will pay him back. L was expecting that in 2 weeks his brother will be able to resell the cars. After 2 weeks one car did sell but one did not sell at that time but did sell at a later time. In total the brother got about $500 profit from the cars. He gave L about $300 after he asked him some money when he sold his motorcycle for $3,000 and up to this date has not paid L back any money. L is paying the loan back himself, he pays about  250 dollars loan interest every 2 weeks and as of now has paid in at least $2,500 in interest .

L had other debts that he was not able to pay because he was paying that loan. He had financial difficulty meeting his payments for his course and other debts.  L asked me one day if i want to earn $300. I said how? He said i can lend him the money to pay this loan company $900 which was what was left from the loan and he can pay me a $300 interest. I said i will be willing to do that because i can see that  i can earn money from it and he can pay his debt. He had been paying it on time and we have an IOU we both signed.

The shared point here is the help point, both asking for help and giving help, which i also participated before.

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*Depending on others

*Helping others to be dependent

*Desire to help

*Aversion for help

*Wanting to be special

*Wanting to be nice

*Perceiving oneself as ‘less than and wanting to be more than’

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Self-forgiveness:

i forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to depend on others

*Helping others to be dependent on me

I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to help others to be dependent on me

*Desire to help

I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to desire to help

*Aversion for help

I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to have aversion for help

*Wanting to be special

I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to want to be special

*Wanting to be nice to others s

I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to want to be ‘nice’ to others

*Perceiving oneself as ‘less than and wanting to be more than’

I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as ‘less than and within that want to be more than’

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Self-corrective statement

When i see myself get into a pattern of help – I stop – I breath

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Self-corrective application

21 Days to freedom. Breath as me here in every moment