The Equality Agreement :

I had been in “relationships” before, but when i started an equality agreement with L, it was as if i was starting all over again because the relationship geometry of attraction, desire and sex is replaced with transcending points through the process, creating heaven on earth and ‘experiencing breath orgasm within physical interaction. This is completely different from my previous ‘relationships’.

Talking about starting over, when it became obvious that it was not possible for L to live in Los Angeles because of his job, i decided to move to Texas as my job in LA just finished. What i looked at is testing my standing within my process within an agreement where both of us are doing the process of brthing self here and testing breath orgasm within physical interaction within that.

I knew there will be lots of obstacles from the mind’s perspective, as the situation we are in, challenges every identification we have with the body and other points, but i looked at transcendence within that and saw that was possible. So, i proceeded to do what i set myself to do.

I have not met L before i moved to Texas. We just looked at our blogs and talked on the phone every night doing self-forgiveness for points and that’s the sum total of how much we know each other.

That was difficult from the mind’s perspective, because of fear of that which is ‘not known’. But our blogs and comment interaction in my Facebook wall and in L’s wall gave both of us a perspective of who we are basically. The process we both are doing – birthing self here in the physical and assisting in creating a world that truly honors LIFE -also assisted. Within our process, I know thoughts or doubts are not real, as they are of the mind, so i stuck to what is real - being the breath in every moment here and oneness and equality as all life – so, the process really gave me a reality that this can work, if we give ourselves a chance to apply the process as we go. What was real to me was that we are doing the same process, and that within that process, all perceived separation will be self-forgiven and self-directed.

The age difference between us is “great”, he is 29 and i am 53. The mind sees this as something to fear, because this has not been tested before in society as much as the 1-2 years age difference had been tested. The mind identifies with the form which is the body and associate the difference in skin texture to a belief, which in this case is, old people have sagging skin and young people having tight skin. The body is real, but the belief is not real, as it is of the mind. The mind would rather look at the perceived differences  which is not real rather than look at that which is real as in, the skin is real and it expresses itself here as a manifestation of self in different ways, tight or saggy, wrinkly or smooth etc. as per the label we give these expressions. The expression is real but the labels we give them came from beliefs, so that our perception of reality is ‘flawed’. Fears of the ‘relationship’ not being accepted socially comes up, as society’s judgments come from the collective mind systems based on perceived separation.

From the perspective of Self, as who we really are as the BREATH in every moment, this agreement is possible because his breath and my breath does not age. It is.

So i just focused on stopping my mind. I did a lot of self-forgiveness for doubts, fears etc. on my way to the airport until the plane landed in Texas. All of those of course is not real as it is of the mind. I stood within my process, as the breath in every moment.

When he came pick me up, one thing came to my mind “he looks younger than his photo and video, fuck! , adjusting to the age difference is going to be tough for both of us.’  While those thoughts come up, we were also doing self-forgiveness, as we travel from the airport to his place. When we were resting at his place, I sat far from him in the beginning as i was looking at my aversion in touching him. So, we talked, and as we talk, we see points, and as we see them, we did self-forgiveness for the points.

I had judgments about how he looks as i associated him with the way his skin looks, so I started associating how young he looks with how my son looked and that it is ‘wrong’ to be with him as per my judgments of what is good or bad and fear came up within that of him not being able to adjust to the age difference and me feeling guilty being with this ‘young’ guy.

I relaxed after so many self-forgiveness statements were done by both of us for points coming out. Within that came a common realization, that both of us are willing to push through whatever points come up, so we will not be stuck with our beliefs and that we will transcend these points in time. Behind the age difference comes a realization that, who he stands as, and who i stand as, does not change. The fact that we are one and equal as all life does not change. So, within the age difference is that which does not change, the Self.

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My Individual process:

I also had a memory of when i had a ‘relationship’ in the past with an older guy, named J, who was a lot older than i was. I ‘remembered’ it was then difficult for me to adjust socially, as i believe that it is ‘inappropriate’ to be seen with him in public and having aversion to be with him socially based on that.

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All i know is i trust this process. i have tested this process in many ways and it always stood for what it is, as per what is here, as per what is real and in stopping the mind which is not real.

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Points I saw within my equality agreement with L :

*Identification with the body

*Identification as a woman perceived separate from a man

*Belief that a man having a tight skin is young and a man having sagging skin is old

*Associating his skin and his innocent smile with my son’s skin and his smile

*Belief that a 23 years age difference where the woman is older than the man within a “relationship” is not frowned upon in society, therefore bad, and a 1- 2 years age difference is accepted in society.

*Judgment and associating that which is real as the skin to a belief that a skin that is shiny, smooth and elastic is young and a skin that is saggy and wrinkled is old.

*Guilt for having a “relationship with a “younger” man

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Self-forgiveness  to stop the mind :

*Identification with the body

I forgive myself that  accepted and allowed myself to identify with the body

*Identification as a woman perceived separate from a man

I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to identify as a woman perceived separate from a man

*Belief that a man having a tight skin is young and a man having sagging skin is old

I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to believe that a man having a tight skin is young and a man having a sagging skin is old

*Associating his skin and his smile with my son’s skin and his smile

I forgive myself that i associated his skin and his smile with my son’s skin and smile

*Belief that a 24 years age difference where the woman is older than the man within a “relationship” is  frowned upon in society, therefore bad, and a 1- 2 years age difference is accepted in society.

I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to believe that a 24 year age difference where the woman is older that the man within a “relationship” is frowned upon in society, therefore, bad and a 1-2 year age difference is accepted in society.

*Jugment and associating that which is real as the skin to a belief that a skin that is shiny, smooth and elastic is young and a skin that is saggy is old.

I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to judge and associate the skin, which is real  to a belief that a skin that is shiny, smooth and elastic  is young and a skin that is saggy and wrinked is old and within that to touch a younger man and have physical interaction with him is ‘inappropriate’ and is bad.

*Guilt for having a “relationship with a “younger” man because of a belief that an older woman in a ‘relationship’ with a younger man is ‘inappropriate’ = older woman more experienced and younger man is inexperienced = older woman is a ‘cradle snatcher.’ and older man, 4- 5 years  older than a younger woman in a ‘relationship is appropriate and older man 20 – 30 yrs older than a woman in  ‘relationship’ = woman is just after the man’s wealth .

I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to have guilt for having a ‘relationship’ with a younger man of 24 yrs. younger than me is inappropriate because i am experienced and he’s not, as i identify as the ego, and within that compare that to a cradle snatcher.

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My Individual Process: Points i saw within that:

*Aversion to be seen in public with J, who i had a ‘relatonship’ in the distant past within a belief that it is not accepted in society and people see it as me taking advantage of his money

I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to have an aversion for J and me to be seen in public because of a belief that being with someone who is 20 yrs older than me is ‘inappropriate’  and the belief that people will say i am taking avantage of his money.

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Self-Corrective Statement:

When i get into a pattern of Beliefs – I STOP - I BREATH

Self-Corrective Application:

We “decided” we will hold each others hand in public

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